Kids Next Firefly
by mr. bauer
Summary: Ever wanted to know how the cast of Codename: Kids Next Door would fit in the Firefly 'verse? No? Well, here it is anyway. Chapter 2: Nigel, Wally & Abby negotiate a job. Give it a try, please? Will be updated very infrequently.
1. 01 The Descent

**Disclaimer: Joss Whedon is the creator of Firefly. Firefly is a show owned by the FOX network. Mr. Warburton is the creator of Codename: Kids Next Door. Codename: Kids Next Door is a show owned by Cartoon Network. I own none of the things listed in the previous set of sentences. So don't sue. (Seriously, don't. I own literally nothing, it'd be a waste of your time.)**

Persephone is a planet of two extremes, housing both the richest of the rich and the poorest of the poor. Of course, being at one end rather than the other doesn't make you a better person. Scum, after all, has no concept of class differentiation and the richest can be just as much of a band of cut-throat, thieving, murdering individuals as the poorest. The richest, however, may be slightly nicer than the poorer, having the decency to apologise as they're murdering you or thanking you for being stupid enough to be wearing the valuable thing they want to steal.

The Firefly class ship that was approaching Persephone's atmosphere was clearly not going for the richer end. Whilst she was a pretty little thing, small and cosy, she wasn't very high end. She was rough, like she hadn't been cleaned or decently maintained in a good few months. Bits and pieces were, effectively, being stapled onto the ship in the hopes that more vital bits and pieces would stay put and not detach themselves. The whole ship gave off an aura of people trying to get by with little supplies. Accurate, really.

So the little Firefly began its descent towards the rough end of Persephone, Eavesdown Docks. Suddenly, a panel on the front of the ship flew off into the ether. This caused the ship to begin shaking and rattling violently, its seams close to bursting apart at any second. This made the boy with the football shaped head and the red shirt in the cockpit very worried.

"What was that?" Nigel Uno asked out loud. He gained no response from the pilot next to him and proceeded to ask the same question again, but more specifically. "Was that the primary buffer panel?" Right next to him, the ship's pilot, Hoagie Gilligan, started flicking a series of switches. His rapid speed was not deflating Nigel's fears.

"Did the primary buffer panel just fly off my gorram ship for no gorram reason?!"

Hoagie then changed his switch flicking routine to a different switch flicking routine.

"Looks like," he replied, strained. He suddenly realised that he wasn't holding on to the wheel and remedied that situation as fast as possible.

"Things don't just fly off my ship for no gorram reason, Hoagie!" Nigel retorted.

"Well, I've been telling you for weeks that we needed a new primary buffer panel and you said, 'Nooooo, Hoagie! Food is more important than parts of my own ship!'" Hoagie shouted back, mockingly.

"Food keeps us living, Hoagie!"

"So does the buffer panel!"

"Wait… slow down…!" Nigel was now worried about the possible imminent case of death headed his way. "Can you land this thing?"

"It's going to be tricky even if Kuki can adjust the engine levels, otherwise our landing's going to be pretty interesting!"

"Define 'interesting'." Hoagie took his eyes out of the window of the ship to look at Nigel.

"'Oh, God. Oh, God. We're all gonna die'?"

Nigel was not excited by this news and reached for the intercom.

"This is your captain speaking. We're in for a rocky landing. We'll encounter some turbulence followed by a small, possible, minor, temporary case of dead." He then hung up the intercom and started for the back of the ship, where the Engine Room was located. "Get this thing on Persephone!" he shouted back.

"Yeah, that part'll definitely happen!" Hoagie replied.

As Nigel climbed down the steps to the bridge, he saw Wallabee Beatles stood near his bunk room, loaded to the teeth.

"We're gonna die?! I don't wanna die! I like living! Living is good!" he nervously started babbling to Nigel.

"We're not gonna die," was Nigel's calm reply. The very millisecond after he said that, though, the ship shook violently once more, only much harder than before this time. Both boys were nearly taken off their feet. Fortunately, the ship settled again. Nigel then noticed the abundance of weapons that Wally was carrying.

"What do you need all of those for?" he inquired.

"In case any of those goons plan on messing with us," Wally replied, sounding genuinely confused as to why Nigel asked that question. Nigel reached over and grabbed the shotgun from Wally. He held it up in a "are you serious" fashion.

"Big gun scares people," was Wally's genuine reply.

"Wally, we're making a deal. Not robbing a bank." Nigel tossed the shotgun back to him.

"And what if those guys suddenly rescind on the deal?" Nigel thought this over for a moment. For once, Wally had a point. Then he looked down and saw the satchel around the kid's waist.

"No grenades," he ordered as he left.

"Aw, come on!" Wally shouted back.

Nigel almost made it to the kitchen area when Abigail Lincoln appeared out of her bunk and crossed his path.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"Your boyfriend's going to kill us again," Nigel deadpanned.

"I'll go talk him out of that, sir," Abby replied as she headed to the cockpit.

"That'd be a great favour to me, Abby." She stopped for a second to notice Wally.

"Why do you have grenades?" she quizzed.

"Captain won't let me take 'em with us," Wally answered.

"Captain's got a point. We're not staging a coup d'état." She then headed up to the cockpit.

Nigel was making his way through the rather large kitchen area when the ship shook yet again. Various kitchen utensils fell to the ground, as did numerous cans and even a shelf which they were being stored on. Several lids for several cans flew off from the impact of hitting the ground revealing that they'd been empty anyway. That was a situation Nigel was hoping to rectify by the deal on Persephone. Assuming they got there alive, of course. He steadied himself on the table before striding angrily to the Engine Room to meet with the engineer.

"KUKI!" Nigel shouted as loud as he could so that Kuki Sanban could hear him over the roar of the malfunctioning engines. He finally made it to the archway that entered the room. "Kuki!"

"Everything's shiny, Captain, nothing to worry about!" Kuki speedily replied whilst appearing from nowhere to walk past Nigel. He was slightly taken aback by her sudden appearance but pressed on accordingly.

"If everything's shiny then why…"

Nigel never did get to finish that question because the ship rocked again, this time sending Kuki and him flying to the wall on the right hand side of the room. The wrench that Kuki was holding similarly went flying, though she couldn't place where it landed.

"I probably needed that," she admitted sadly as the pair pulled themselves up.

"Can you keep us living?" Nigel went straight back to business.

"Captain, you're talking to me and Hoagie here," she replied matter-of-factly. The ship shook again, more mildly this time but the combination of both Kuki's answer and the last three jolts did precisely nothing to assuage Nigel's fears. He started to leave before he stopped at the arch. He turned around and shouted to Kuki.

"My ship don't crash! My ship crashes, you crashed her!"

"Great pep talk, Captain!" she shot back. Nigel turned to leave…

…and almost walked right into Rachel McKenzie.

"Oh… Hey, Rachel!" Nigel nervously sputtered out. Nervously, because Rachel didn't look happy. "Are you… scared about our impending doom?"

"This is not scared," she rebuffed. "This is anger."

"Well, it's… kinda hard… to tell one from t'other face like yours…?" he quipped, before immediately regretting it. Rachel, however, rose above decking Nigel and started a new conversation topic.

"Please?"

"No." Nigel's reply was sharp and to the point. He then tried to make an exit by heading to the lower deck, but Rachel followed him, eager to continue pressing the issue.

"Why not?"

"Because it's Persephone."

"That's not a decent enough answer."

"It's an answer enough."

"Persephone has plenty of clients…"

"Yes, who will come up to your shuttle, enjoy a wild night of passion and then abscond with our scrap metal."

Now, the pair were making their way past the Med Bay and headed for the Cargo Bay on the lower level.

"You always see the worst in people."

"That is highly untrue. I see people for who they are and on Persephone it just so happens that they are passion-filled, ravenous, absconding scumbags who are some of the worst people in the 'verse. I don't even like coming here and it's only cos we're desperate as to why we're turning up in the first place."

The Cargo Bay was extremely large, encompassing the bottom two levels of the ship with enough room to stock a herd of animals if necessary. Fortunately, none of the crew have had to transport a herd of animals yet, but if the job called for it…

The ship shook again, less violently than before but sill violently enough to legitimately worry Nigel.

"Well, we'll be turning up as charred corpses at this rate," he nervously noted. He then returned to using the walkways to lead Rachel to her pod.

"You just don't approve of what I do!" she accused, steering the conversation back to her. "That's it, isn't it?"

"No and yes."

"The no being…?"

"The no being that that's not it but the yes being that I don't approve of what you do." Nigel's blunt honesty took Rachel back slightly, but she pressed on regardless.

"I give people what they need!"

"Yes, everyone needs a pretty woman to stick her tongue down their throats."

"That's only one part…"

"Tell me how often you Companions use other parts." The pair arrived at Rachel's shuttle.

"And that's preferable to working for criminals?"

"It's preferable to being a whore…"

"Don't call me that."

"That's what it is, isn't it?"

"It's legal. Which is more than I can say for your line of work."

The intercom broke up their argument and Hoagie's voice echoed throughout the cargo hold.

"OK, you might want to hold onto something as we're about to touchdown at Eavesdown Docks. This is the part that could hurt."

Approximately 0.6 seconds after Hoagie got off the intercom, the entire ship crashed hard. Nigel and Rachel were thrown down onto each other on the catwalk and the entire structure of the ship rattled for a few seconds. Then, silence. All engines cut out. All rattling stopped. Silence. Rachel and Nigel realised there were on top of one another and immediately proceeded to stand up and away from each other. The intercom crackled again.

"We're OK!" Hoagie triumphantly called out. "Everything's shiny! Nothing's broken!" A loud crash could be heard over the intercom as he said that. "Much. Nothing much," he fixed.

Rachel and Nigel stood awkwardly staring at one another. Nigel noticed Rachel was pulling a face.

"Are you trying to use puppy dog eyes on me?" he asked.

"Maybe. Is it working?" she responded. Nigel stood staring into her big, beautiful brown eyes for a moment longer before he answered.

"We're not staying." He then turned to leave.

"Come on! I need to make a living too!" she shouted. This stopped Nigel in his tracks for a moment. He hadn't considered that. In all the time she'd been back on his ship, he's never given that a thought. Nigel was going to fix that mistake. He spun around.

"We need passengers to make it so that our ship is less suspicious to Adult patrols. If you can get some on board, I'm sure you can convince them to join you for a night of… pleasure."

"And if none of them consent?"

"That's my compromise. Take it or leave it. Mind, pretty girl like you should have no trouble… persuading them." He then headed for the stairs. "Meet with Kuki if you're taking it," he called back.

Rachel leaned against her shuttle door for a moment. She'd done it again. Nigel Uno, could you be played any easier?

Down the stairs, Nigel met up with Abby and Wally, the trio ready to head out to their deal. As the cargo doors opened, Hoagie shouted over the intercom, "Hey, if anyone headed out gets a chance, could you find a new primary buffer panel? I don't much fancy trying that landing again." Abby grabbed the intercom near the doors to respond.

"We'll all try. And nice flying, babe." With that, she hung up and headed off with the other two guys. Rachel and Kuki both stood at the cargo doors and simply stared outside for a bit, taking in the view. Kuki was the first to break the silence before the pair headed off to pick up passengers.

"Well, here we are."

**AN: Hi, there. If you have read this then I shall assume that you, like me, are part of a small group of people who are fans of both the beloved cult Joss Whedon TV show Firefly and the beloved cult Mr. Warburton cartoon Codename: Kids Next Door. If so, let's be bestest buddies!**

**Anyways, this first little chapter was a test more than anything else. The idea popped up in my head recently (specifically the links between characters on both shows) and it's only just in the last 18 hours that I figured out how to do something with it. So, I wrote this in a hurry. And I had fun and enjoyed it. I'll probably write some more at some point.**

**However, do not expect this to be constantly updated on a regular schedule. It is something that I'll probably come back to and write for every so often but not on a constant "OK! Here's chapter 2 all planned out! Here's a deadline day! Let's get it done, boo-yah!" thing. It's a nice little distraction that I will work on every once in a while due to my very busy life and my very dry ideas well.**

**Of course, that's not to say that some reviews (positive reviews, especially) and alerts are not going to make me a bit more likely to crank out more chapters at a faster rate. On the contrary, if there's demand, I'll be happy to oblige! So let me know what you all think!**

**Also, I need help figuring out who on the KND cast would work best as Simon Tam, River Tam and Shepherd Derial Book. (I'm guessing that you too got the links between the KND characters and the Firefly characters) If any of you have any suggestions, let me know!**

**Well, that about does it! Boy, am I glad to be back writing after 2 years! So, review and let me know if you'd like to see more! Til next time!**

**"No power in the 'verse can stop me!"**


	2. 02 The Deal

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. No rights to Firefly, none to Codename: Kids Next Door. I've gotten over it and you copyright lawyers out there should too!**

* * *

Eavesdown Docks was always a buzzing hive of activity. Hundreds of ships, thousands of people, and almost three times as many merchants and street vendors desperate to make a buck. Cramped in such a small space. It wasn't good if you were scared of large crowds or hated endless droning noise. At least it was a social place. Pilots and captains of ships would often congregate and swap tales of harrowing adventures over cans of soda. It reminded them of a time before. A nicer time, back on Earth-That-Was.

Nigel Uno and his crew members, Abigail Lincoln and Wallabee Beatles, were not in a social mood. Nigel, in particular, hated Persephone, the planet the docks were located on, and wanted off as soon as possible. He was strictly business today. As such, he led his fellow crew members to their destination, a shack-like structure at the edge of the docks housing their contact. It didn't look secure, or big, or even permanent (Nigel was certain that their contact had multiple shacks just like this one all over Persephone), but it was where she'd be regardless.

The trio politely pushed their way through the crowd (no reason to cause a scene or give anyone reason to steal anything they have) and, in short order, arrived at the shack. It was unguarded, a testament to the cockiness of the contact inside, and unlocked, so Nigel and co. merely pushed open the door and walked in.

The shack consisted of what appeared to be two rooms, the meeting room they were in now and the large back room that acted as a storage area. The meeting room was sparse in colour and lightly furnished, only having a desk table and chair on the far wall near the back room. There were three teenaged goons stationed there, one stood next to the back room and two stood at the exit to the shack. The trio automatically assumed that the goons were armed. Wally mentally smirked. "Glad we brought guns now, aren't ya?" he thought to himself.

The crew weren't here to meet with the goons, though. They were there to meet with the individual sat behind the desk. Cree Lincoln.

"Well, hello there, Mr. Uno!" she greeted in a half mocking tone. "And you brought company! Just delightful."

"Hello, Cree." Nigel tried to soldier on with the deal. Cree, however, was in for dragging this out.

"Hey, sis!" she called out to Abby. "How's life on the fringe treating ya?" Abby moved close to Nigel.

"Permission to knock the smug off of her entire being, Captain?" she asked, almost begging.

"Denied," was Nigel's immediate response.

"See?" Cree gestured to the three goons in the room with her. "That's how you deal with a troublesome subordinate! Words not violence! You know, Nige, you could just so easily slip into my little organisation, if you fancied?"

"I don't much fancy."

"You're so not fun, anyone ever tell you that?"

"Multiple times," Wally chided. Nigel flung his upper body round and gave Wally the most terrifying look he was capable of giving anyone before turning back to the conversation.

"So…" Cree let the start of her sentence hang for a second before continuing. "What brings you fine upstanding citizens to Persephone? I should inform you, most real estate has been snapped up so I wouldn't plan on staying longer than sundown if you want a ship still here in the morning."

She already knew why there were there but she just wanted to hear the exceedingly prideful Nigel Uno admit it out loud. He, indeed, proceeded to swallow his pride and press on with his engagement.

"We need a job."

Cree laughed. "Yeah, brilliant. You know, there's a litter picker position open just along the way. I'm sure you folks will do a fine job…"

Nigel was not in the mood. "Highly amusing, but you may have misconstrued my point."

"No. Maybe I perfectly got your point and I just chose to, instead, make jokes at your expense to get away from the issue at hand."

"Which is?"

"I don't want to give you a job."

Silence then made an unwelcome entrance into the room along with its good buddy Tension. Cree's last line had made things unbearably awkward for all parties involved. The crew had, in theory, come down to Persephone for nothing. This did not sit well with Nigel. Not at all.

"Well, can you direct us to someone who can give us a job?"

"Can't do that."

"Why not?" Anger was now penetrating through his usually cool and calm voice. Cree was wasting his time and he was sick of it.

"Because, Nigel… buddy… pal, you and your fellow crew have a history. The Adults have a little list on you and having The Adults have a list on you tends to make people jumpy. I mean, what kind of idiot entrusts their highly dangerous and difficult missions to a bunch of kids who The Adults have tabs on?"

Now Nigel was certain that Cree was trying to wriggle her way out of their prior arrangement. Yes, The Adults did have a file on Nigel and his crew, but they'd known that for months. However, during those months, it had never been a problem in the transaction of business. He'd dealt with crooks way larger than Cree and they'd not considered it an issue. The Adults have dossiers on everyone, and those who don't are more valuable than pixie dust. Hence Nigel's conclusion: Cree was purposefully wasting his time.

"So give us some remedial work, then."

"'Fraid I can't do that either."

"Why not?" The others members of the room realised that violence was going to go down soon and primed themselves accordingly. Guns in holsters were flashed and nobody wanted to be the one to make the first move; just in case things didn't go south.

"Because… you're too good."

"Define that for me."

"Look… Nige, I know your whole deal. You work with what you'd class as 'two bit thugs' like me one minute, then turn around and try and get as close to official Adults work as you can get the next."

"I take what I can get to keep flying."

"Yeah? Well your lack of selective pickiness is starting to ruffle a few people's feathers. How can they take a job from you if you're just as likely to hogtie them and drop them off on some bounty hunters doorstep the second you get paid, as you are to shake their hand?"

"Bounty hunting is way above me…"

"And how about when it's not, hmm?" Cree leapt over the table and got straight up in Nigel's face. "Loyalty is hard to come by nowadays, Nige. And we 'two bit thugs' thrive on loyalty, it's how we survive. Your only loyalty is to your crew and that whore you drag around with you who," she laughed, "I don't even know why you bother to treat as kindly as you do!"

"We go back," he replied. "And you leave Rachel out of this."

"Oh, I'm more than happy to," she snapped. "Because you, your little buddies and the whore you have on that godforsaken rickety bucket of bolts you call a spaceship are blacklisted from my organisation!" The elder Lincoln sister then returned to her desk. "And when our wonderful little chat is over, I'm getting on the horn to every other criminal worth their salt and they'll get on blacklisting you too!"

Nigel turned to leave. "So much for negotiating."

As he finished his sentence, he spun back around and, in one fluid motion, un-holstered his pistol and fired a shot at the head of the goon in the corner. Abby and Wally, at the same time as Nigel (as if the trio were synchronised), un-holstered their guns and took out the guards stood behind them. The trio then aimed their guns directly at Cree's head, positioned as such so that she was staring down four barrels (Wally's double barrelled shotgun included in the count). She sighed.

"Now I have to hire some extra help," she quipped, dejectedly.

"Let's try this differently," Nigel began. "You are _**going**_ to give us a job and we are _**going**_ to get paid for it."

"And if I refuse?" Cree remained cool the whole time. Nigel pulled back the chamber on his pistol.

"I'm thinking of going into bounty hunting. Tell me, Abby, how much do you think The Adults will want for a 'two bit thug' like your sister?"

"About enough to buy a unicorn with, sir," she deadpanned.

"And that's not counting the emotional wealth that Abby here will gain from being reunited with her dear sister."

"Shoot me," Cree replied.

"Well that can certainly be arranged," Wally butted in.

"Why don't you just rob me and shoot me?" Cree suggested.

"I don't work that way," Nigel stated.

"Huh, nobility. That's rare. It'll get you killed, one day."

"I'll take my chances. Give us a job."

Cree sat back for a second, trying to find a job that she wouldn't miss giving out to people she actually liked. Then, she remembered the perfect one.

"Follow me."

The trio followed Cree to the back room where she stopped next to a giant box.

"I have a client on Whitefall. Goes by the code number 274. Ring any bells?"

Nigel knew precisely who Cree was talking about.

"Yes… it does," was his only response.

"Well, he knew you were a frequent visitor of me, so he dropped this box off here the other week and specifically asked for you to deliver it back to him."

Abby was suspicious. "And you're only just telling us now?"

"Yeah?"

"Why didn't you just give us the job when we came in, then?"

"Because, sis, I enjoy messing with y'all."

"What's in the box?" Nigel tried to steer the conversation back on topic.

"Oh, hang on, I have specific instructions!"

The trio's guns followed Cree as she bent down to pick up the piece of paper. She dusted it off and read it aloud.

"'You are not to open the box. Apart from moving it onto your ship, you are not to touch the box. You are not to rattle the box. If you spend too long staring at the box, I will know and you will be punished accordingly. You are to let me know 2 days in advance of your arrival on Whitefall that you have the box with you. If you stick to all of these instructions, you will be paid, by me, in full, on your arrival on Whitefall.'"

Nigel thought it over for a moment. On the one hand, it was easy money, something that the crew on his ship desperately needed. But, on the other hand, he hadn't seen 274 in a long time. And that last meeting hadn't ended so well. Then again, last time he didn't have his crew with him. That evens the odds, right?

"And you'll leave us alone?" Nigel wanted to make certain about that part seeing as Cree now had a legitimate reason to hate him.

"Please! Why would I waste my time going after you saps? I've got bigger fish on this rock to flambé."

"You just threatened to get every single client we know to blacklist us."

"I needed to see if you had balls. And you've got a set bigger than the breasts of a Companion, I like that. Now, are you going to take the job or not?"

Again, Nigel thought it over briefly. Easy money vs. dangerous client. A few moments later, he came to his decision.

"We'll take it."

* * *

It took a while but eventually, the large box was loaded onto a cart that the crew could push back to their ship.

"Well, it's been a pleasure doing business with ya!" Cree smirked to them.

"Glad that it was a pleasure for someone," Abby quipped under her breath. She'd had a rocky relationship with her sister back on Earth-That-Was as is. That relationship had derailed by the time they were forced into the 'verse and their time apart had only exacerbated the poor relationship. She hated Cree and, if it weren't for the fact that their way of life necessitated Cree's continued existence, Abby would happily leave her in a ditch somewhere on this godforsaken rock. As for now, she got to pushing the cart with Wally and Nigel. Cree watched the trio leaving from the entrance to her shack…

…until Nigel stopped suddenly, turned around and ran back to her, as if he forgot something. "This'll be good," she thought to herself. Nigel made it back to Cree, stopped for a second to catch his breath, and then asked his question.

"Do you have a primary buffer panel lying around we could use?"


End file.
